Once upon a time your boy Steviepooooo and his wife were on a nice little weekend getaway in the smokey mountains. They would spend their days hiking and having encounters with bears and other forms of wildlife. At night there was not much to do other than watch Netflix and chill. 😉
One fateful evening Mrs. Steviepooooo decided to “prank” your boy by turning on a season of Love Island USA while he was in the other room. You would think that Mrs. Steviepooooo would have known that her slutty husband would not mind watching a show where some of the most beautiful women on the planet spend a majority of each episode in bikinis. They also do provocative dances from time to time. It is quite awesome. The rest is history as Mr. and Mrs. Steviepooooo have now watched numerous seasons of Love Island USA. We have also shamefully watched a few Australian and British seasons.
Like a lot of people Love Island USA season six has easily been our favorite season. The Rob and Leah storyline was absolutely riveting. Like I have said before I am straight. However, Rob was such a beautiful man that I was feeling some confusing feelings. Hopefully something similar does not happen this season as I am already very easily confused. I do not need another all-time good-looking man to come into the picture and make me think things I have never thought before. I need a break!
The first two episodes of Love Island have already aired and as expected the Steviepoooooos are completely hooked. As we were getting ready for bed last night, we had a very in-depth conversation about our rankings of the respective islanders. We pretty much agreed on our rankings. Without further ado here are the current rankings. I will be ranking the Islanders mostly based on appearance. Let’s be honest we don’t know them very well yet as people. Also, my wife and I are shallow bitches.
Ladies first.
- Belle-A: Despite the stupid spelling of her name this girl straight up looks like a sport illustrated swimsuit model. She is taking me back to the days when I would rush to get the mail so I could snag the magazine full of scantily clad women before my mom could throw it away. Sometimes I would not hide it well enough, she would find it and throw it away. Damnit mom!
Enough about my horny teenage years, Belle-A is so freaking hot my god. I am a little worried that her conservative nature might cost her a spot in the Villa. You can’t come on a show like Love Island and be a total prude. You’re going to get dumped. In fact, she already got left by fellow Islander Nic. I believe this was in large part due to her playing the game so conservatively. Come on Belle-A get it together!
2. Huda: My MILF alarms were going off the moment that this beautiful young woman walked on to the screen. She seems very nice and sweet. I am worried that she might be a little too nice for a situation such as love Island. She got so offended towards the end of episode two. She did not like it that all the men besides Jeremiah stood up and indicated that they were willing to date other women. That is how this show works Huda!
3. Chelley: Chelley appears to be the classic super nice, super beautiful star that the show has been casting for years. I have a strong feeling that the romance between her and Ace is going to be a main focal point of this season. The fact that they already knew each other before the season began feels a little like fate to me.
4. Cierra: As one of the first bombshells of the season Cierra entered the villa with a bang. She immediately turned Nic’s head and stole him from Belle-A. She is quite beautiful in her own right, but her outgoing personality was more than enough to convince Nic to leave Belle-A in the dust.
5. Olandria: I feel bad putting Olandria last, but someone needs to fill out the bottom of the rankings. Like every islander she is also very beautiful. We just need some more time to get to know her so she can work her way up the power rankings.
Time to rank the men of the villa. We got some real dopes on deck this season.
1. Jermiah: Mrs. Steviepooooo has not stopped drooling over Jeremiah from the moment that he has stepped on the screen. She has called him an even hotter version of Kendall from season six. Kendall was her favorite last season. I personally am a little concerned about this guy. He is already crazy possessive about Huda even though he has known her for a grand total of two days! Chill Jeremiah chill!
2. Ace: is a beautiful exuberant dancer who has captured the attention of many female islanders. He is currently single, and it feels like it is only a matter of time before he and Chelley pair up. I would be shocked if Ace is not there at the end of the season competing for the grand prize with someone. He has potential to be a breakout star of the season.
3. Nic: Nic is a super-hot nurse with a lot of personality. He also has very high potential to be a star of the season. I like that he appears to be super willing to play the game as he has already jumped ship from one couple to another. Nic also has a little Timothy Chalamet type aura to him. I can see him going very deep into the season.
4. Charlie: The token Brit of the season Charlie has not had much time to shine so far. He came in as a bombshell with Cierra. Unlike Cierra however, Charlie has had zero luck getting the attention of any of his fellow Islanders. Charlie needs to step it up or he may not be long for the villa.
5. Taylor: This islander has the potential to rocket up the power rankings because of his personality. From a physical appearance standpoint both my wife and I agree that there is not much to be desired. He is far from ugly. He just is not nearly as hot as his fellow islanders. Like I said earlier we can be some shallow bitches my wife and me.
6. Austin: Austin sucks. I don’t even want to waste too much time talking about him as I do not think he will be long for the villa. No one has seemed remotely interested in him. The first re-coupling where a guy gets voted out Austin will be donzeo.
That is all for me today. I will most likely write about the show once every week during the summer.
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