With very little happening in both the sports and entertainment worlds, I have decided to bless all of you, “The Poopies.” With some more insight into my interesting job at a local golf course.
“The Poopies” is a working title for my readers. If you have some better suggestions, please let me know.
I am still thoroughly enjoying my time at the golf course. The customers are great; the coworkers are hilarious. I have also eaten so much half-priced beef jerky that it is officially a problem. The beef jerky is locally produced and SO GOOD. I think it would be dumb of me to not take full advantage of my staff discount. I have honestly probably eaten about four cows’ worth of jerky this summer.
Possibly the only thing I do not love about the golf club I work at is the bathroom situation in the main clubhouse. This poor bathroom just gets decimated by eighty-year-old golfers taking the nastiest shits all day long. Unfortunately, the ventilation in the bathroom is nonexistent and there are no windows. It happens way too often where someone will drop a deuce that smells like the end of times, and I can smell it all the way out in the pro shop more than sixty feet away. It is honestly so bad.
I cannot claim to be innocent in this situation. One morning, I could not help it, and I unloaded in said bathroom. Usually, I am not bothered by my normal brand of poo stank. On this particular day however, the smell was unbearable even for me.
This sentiment was shared by my boss who had the misfortune of walking into the bathroom no less than five minutes after I completely blew it up. He took two steps into the bathroom and did an about face. He looked at me and said, “The bathroom is currently uninhabitable.” He did not know it was me and still does not as I played it off as it was one of the many eighty-year-old golfers who released the A bomb in the bathroom. Surprise surprise it was me! 🙂
Stanky bathrooms aside, an event happened that is hopefully the climax of poop situations this summer at my golf club. Throughout the afternoon I was getting reports from numerous people that someone had an accident near the sixth tee box. They said there was a humongous human poop near the tee box.
Naturally your boy’s curiosity was peaked. As soon as the club house was closed I grabbed a golf cart to take a look for myself. Sure enough one of the largest human dukies I have ever seen was sitting there right off the cart path. The worst part was whoever did this inglorious deed ripped the towel off the golf ball washing station and used it to wipe their ass. They then left said towel right there on the ground as if to signal to all of the world to look at their chocolate masterpiece. It was seriously so big and so gross and so… IMPRESSIVE.
Whoever the mysterious pooper is I hope you know that your handiwork has been fully appreciated. Your number two has been the number one topic of discussion at the golf course for almost a week now. We do not however want this to become a regular occurrence. If you do this again, I will have to sick my six-pound chihuaha Albert after you!
That is all for me this evening. Sorry for all the poop talk mom. It is the dead of summer. What do you want from me?
A bientot!
Stephen Benet (@benetstephen) • Instagram photos and videos
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