I suck at life. That being said, be prepared to read some picks that will be sure to lose you some money this weekend.
College Marquee Pick.
Oklahoma -5.5 over Michigan.
Your boy definitely enjoys the NFL more than College Football. I still do get down every Saturday and watch a handful of games. I will not spend the entire day watching every game from sunup to sundown. Your boy still is well aware of what is going on in the world of College Football.
Enough preamble, the game of the weekend is clearly the University of Michigan taking on the Oklahoma Sooners in tornado alley this Saturday Night. Oklahoma is favored by five and half points. As sexy as true freshman and barely legal quarterback Bryce Underwoods spiral is, I am taking the Sooners at home. Bryce was VERY impressive in his first home game for the Wolverines. It is a lot to ask of this team to knock off a talented team like Oklahoma on their home field so far away from the mitten.
NFL Time baby!
Thursday Night
Eagles -8.5 over the Dallas Cowboys.
Your boy has put more than one unit on the Eagles to cover in this one. This one has the potential to get a little ugly. Dallas is an absolute mess. It’s hard to motivate a team and convince them that you are doing everything to win when you just traded away their best player for a few boxes of saltine crackers. Actions speak louder than words Mr. Jerry Senile Jones.
Friday in Brazil
Chargers +3.5 over Chiefs
These international games are so hard to predict. The Chargers are either going to win outright or lose on a last second field goal by less than three points. Either way, they are going to cover. I am betting on pure pandemonium in South America Friday Night.
1pm Slate
Saints +6.5 over Cardinals.
The buzz around the Saints could not be worse. As bad as they are going to be they are still home underdogs early in the season. Historically betting on home dogs to cover is the move. Your boy is going to side with history here by betting on the Saints to cover.
Colts -1.5 over Dolphins.
The Dolphins like the Cowboys have had a disastrous offseason. Its all going to come to a head this week when they lose to the Colts by multiple scores.
Raiders +2.5 over Patriots.
The Raiders are going to win this one outright. The Raiders are going to be one of the more improved teams this season. I also do not think that the Patriots for all their offseason moves have enough talent to compete for the playoffs.
Jets +2.5 over Steelers.
No team is going to be more motivated this week than the Jets. The players on their team from last season are going to be SO motivated to prove to Aaron Rodgers that the problem was him and not them. For that reason, I have them taking care of business at home against the ancient ayahuasca enthusiast.
Giants +6.5 over Commanders.
The Commanders are going to win this one but the G-Men will cover. The G-Men are much improved and these teams always play close games.
Panthers +3.5 over Jaguars.
This is a pure gut pick for me. Both of these teams are pretty gross. The Panthers will be the slightly less gross of these two jungle cats this Sunday afternoon.
Bengals -5.5 over Browns.
The Bengals defense stinks. The Browns Defense is decent. The Bengals offense might be the best in the league. The Brown’s offense might be the worst. That will be the difference. The Brown’s will not be able to keep up with the high flying Bengals in week one.
Falcons -1.5 over Buccaneers.
In the best matchup of the early slate the Falcons will prevail at home. Being at home in week one will be the difference in this game between evenly matched division rivals. Look for Michael Penix to have a big day in this one.
4pm Slate
Titans +8.5 over Broncos.
The Broncos are the much more talented team, and they are also at home. The game is going to be closer than eight points. This is also the number one pick in the eliminator challenge this weekend. That makes me a little warry as there is a history of the biggest favorite losing week one of the NFL season.
Packers -1.5 over Lions
As much as I hate to pick dairy loving communists over my step children, being the home team is going to propel the Packers over the Lions. It’s hard to beat the Packers and the referees in Lambeau field. Some terrible call is going to help the Packers pull off the week one win.
Seahawks +2.5 over 49ers.
This is another zag pick. The 49ers are going to bounce back after an off year last year. Sunday will not be their day. The Seahawks will come out on top in a close contest.
Rams -3.5 over Texans.
Davante Adams will shine in his new role as the slot receiver for the LA Rams. People will overreact to a blowout win by the Rams. The Texans will have to wait until week two to get their first victory of the season.
Sunday Prime Time
Bills +1.5 over Ravens.
I was not sure who to pick in the best matchup of week one until I saw the line. This will be the only time we get to bet on the Bills as underdogs at home all season. Seize the opportunity and bet multiple units on them.
Monday Night.
Bears +1.5 over Vikings
So many story lines in this game from the debut of head coach Ben Johnson to JJ McCarthy’s first NFL game. Once again the home underdog will prevail in week one. Both quarterbacks will look young and rusty. The media will roast them both during the week, Steviepooooo included. The Bears will walk away 1-0 and the Vikings will go back to the Twin Cities thinking about their dearly departed Sam Darnold.
That’s it for me this weekend. Have a good football weekend!
A bientot!
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