Monday Night Recap
The Earth is still spinning, I still poop mondo dooks every morning at around 10am and Da Bears still suck. Some things in life will never change.
The Chicago Bears blew a fourth quarter lead to the Minnesota Vikings late Monday night to lose 27-24. This was yet another gambling loss for your boy as I was riding with the underdog Bears at home hard. I thought it would be a tough ask for Vikings quarterback JJ McCarthy to win in his NFL start. He made it look way too easy as the Bears completely fell flat on their faces.
I am reluctant to say this but I think I am ready to be completely out on Caleb Williams. It comes to a point where when you are the first pick in the draft you need to have an awesome game under your belt. Even fucking Mitchell Trubisky threw six touchdowns in a game. Caleb looks incapable of throwing six touchdowns in a season let alone a single game.
Sunday Night Bills 41 Ravens 40
This will possibly end up being the best game of the NFL season. It’s hard to imagine a better game than this. Derrick Henry had an amazing game and continues to quietly be one of the best athletes of his generation. When it is all said and done, he will be remembered as one of the three best running backs of all time.
Henry’s fourth quarter fumble will be forever remembered as the main reason the Ravens lost the game. Josh Allen and the Bill’s offense was unstoppable. I kind of hope that this game was a foreshadowing of what is to come for the Bills this season. It would be really nice to see them win their first Super Bowl in franchise history. It would also be nice to see Josh Allen cement his hall of fame legacy with a championship.
Enough reminiscing let’s get into the predications. We were 9-8 last week against the spread. Let’s do better this week.
Thursday Night Football Packers -3.5 over Commanders
Sadly, I do not think the Packers are going to lose a game in Lambeau Field this season. Going to Lambeau on a short rest and pulling off an upset is a tough ask for this old Commanders team. If you didn’t know they are the oldest team by a large margin in the NFL. The Packers are weirdly the youngest. Youth is going to prevail this Thursday.
College Marquee #18 USF +17.5 over #3 Miami
For those of you living under a rock The University of South Florida Bulls have the college football world buzzing. They killed a ranked Boise State team at home in their first game and followed this up by defeating the University of Florida Gators on the road in Gainesville. This team is super-fast and athletic, and seventeen and a half points is disrespectful. Let’s take the points Poopies!
NFL Early Slate
Lions -6.5 over Bears
The Lions are going to bend the Bears over this weekend in Detroit. They are going to try to silence the haters and get back on track after an embarrassing loss to the Packers. The Bears are going to continue to disappoint, and Ben Johnson is going to question his life choices. There is a three percent chance we see backup quarterback Tyson Bagent in this game if things get really ugly.
Titans +5.5 over Rams
The Rams are going to win but this will be tight. I am interested to see if the Rams offense can click and score enough to win by more than a touchdown. Cam Ward will continue to impress in his first home start.
Bengals -3.5 over Jaguars
The Jaguars somehow find themselves in a battle of jungle cats for the second consecutive week. They will not be as lucky this time as the Bengal’s high powered offense is going to relish being back at home and will be running all over the Jaguars this week. Hopefully Travis Hunter shows some flashes of his promising potential this week.
Ravens -11.5 over Browns
The Ravens are going to win this one by over twenty. They are going to take out their anger on the lowly Browns from their disappointing loss in week one. The Browns are not the Bills and will not be able to keep up with the Ravens offensively.
Jets +5.5 over Bills
This is another cover pick where the Bills are going to win a tight one. The DNA of both these teams forecast a close game where the Jets lose in heartbreaking fashion.
Patriots +1.5 over Dolphins
I might end up taking the MoneyLine when I actually bet on this one as the Patriots are going to win. The idea of winning this game kind of makes me want to puke though. The Patriots will be the slightly less shitty team in this contest. Neither fanbase is going to come away from this one feeling good.
Saints +3.5 over 49ers
The 49ers ALWAYS lose a weird game to a vastly inferior team in September. This is going to be the game that makes the football world scratch their heads. The 49ers are too banged up and I have zero faith in Mac Jones stepping in for Brock Purdy at quarterback.
Dallas -5.5 over Giants
This spread makes the most nervous of the weekend. I wish it was a little smaller. The Giants will be incapable of keeping up with the Cowboys offensively. The Cowboys will win by multiple scores in what is hopefully Russell Wilson’s last NFL Start.
Steelers -3.5 over Seahawks
I don’t want to overreact to week one, but The Steelers could be one of the best teams in the NFL this season. If their defense can start to sort things out and Rodgers and their offense continues to play at a high level, the sky is the limit for this team. The actual limit is a NFL Divisional Round loss but that is still pretty good for an elderly person like Rodgers.
Colts +1.5 over Broncos
This game is a toss up for me and when in doubt go with the home underdog. There will be some regression to the mean in that the Colts will look somewhat worse than they did week one and the Broncos will look a little better. The Colts win a close one at home.
Panthers +7.5 over Cardinals
This game has the most potential to be my dumbest pick off the week. It is also the grossest matchup besides the Patriots Dolphins game. If you find yourself watching this game as closely as I am going to, you like me might have a gambling problem.
Eagles -1.5 over Chiefs
I am going against my own rule in this Super Bowl matchup and taking the road favorite in a close spread. The Eagles are going to overpower the Chiefs and Kansas City is going to start panicking after starting out 0-2. I believe in Jalen Hurts and might bet on him to win MVP before this game as his odds are going to plummet after he lights up the Chiefs in the game of the week.
Sunday Night Football
Vikings -3.5 over Falcons
Not sure how this game got the Sunday Prime Time slot but here we are. I have decided that I am going to ride with JJ McCarthy until he proves me wrong. Sometimes people just have it when it comes to playing in big games. His stats are never going to pop off the page at you, but he seems like the type who will do just enough to make sure his team wins.
Monday Night Football
Buccaneers +2.5 over Texans
I believe in Baker Mayfield in prime time. He is going to leas the Bucs to a close win in Houston and the rest of the country will finally begin singing his well-deserved praises. CJ Stroud will continue to regress back into the pits that spawned him.
Raiders +3.5 over Chargers
I think the Raiders are the better team of these two and I am surprised to see that they are such big under dogs at home. The Chargers win in Brazil was great, but I think that game says a lot more about the Chiefs. The Raiddddderrrrs are going to win this one outright.
I will see you all Sunday Night when we celebrate going 17-0!
A bientot!
Bennie's Blasts 
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