Thursday Night: Packers 27 Commanders 18
The football weekend started out strong with the Packers easily covering over the Commanders. This was easy money for the Poopies as we bet multiple units on the unstoppable Cheesemen. We should cancel the rest of the season right now. The Packers are never going to lose another game.
Tucker Kraft is going to be a problem this year. Someone needs to send that Kraft through a cheese gratter and slow him down a little! Sheesh.
It was tough watching Austin Ekler blow out his achilles towards the end of the game. He has been such a good player in the league for many years. I really hope his is able to have a successful recovery. I hope to see him on the field again one day.
College Marquee: Miami 49 South Florida 12
Fucking Florida! Your boy should have known better than to bet on a game between two schools from the lawless swamp. Miami really impressed in this one. Their defense looked elite. South Florida on the other hand looked to have their spirit broken early in the game. This bet was never in doubt. A tough loss for your boy and the Poopies.
NFL Early Slate
Lions 52 Bears 21
Earlier in the week I accuratley predicted that this game would be a buttfucking. I did not think that it would be as vicious of a buttfucking as what took place in Detroit today. The Lions pretended not to hear the Bears use their safe word all afternoon as they continued to ram Ben Johnson and Caleb Johnson all afternoon.
This performance was so embarrassing that the Bears need to pack up and move to London. They do not deserve to represent the city of Chicago.
The Lions on the other hand, appear to be back. After their poor performance in Green Bay last weekend, The Lions successfully reminded the rest of the league who they are. The Lions are one of four teams that could possibly win the NFC. The other three being the Eagles, Packers and Buccaneers. If any team besides these four win the conference I will shove an entire box of Cheez Its up my butt.
Rams 33 Titans 19
This was another tough loss for your boy and the Poopies. I never thought that the Titans would have a great defense, but I thought it would be better than it was today. They could not cover anyone all afternoon as Ram’s receivers were able to create separation at will.
I’m still impressed with rookie quarterback Cam Ward. I will hesitate to bet on him after today’s performance from the rest of his team.
Bengals 31 Jaguars 27
Things were looking super bleak for your boys until the Bengals came back and won this game. Thanks to a late touchdown the Bengals won by four points and covered the spread by half a point. Phew!
It was impressive that they did so despite Joe Burrow being knocked out of the game. The Jaguars should be very disappointed with themselves for blowing a fourth quarter lead to that mother fucker Jake Browning. That shit is embarrassing.
Ravens 41 Browns 17
Your boy was very good at forecasting butt fuckings this weekend. The Ravens fucked the Browns pretty hard. They easily covered the 11.5 point spread. Not much can be taken away from this game other than two things that we already knew. The Browns suck and the Ravens are really good.
Bills 30 Jets 10
This was a moderate ass kicking. One that I did not see coming. The Jets should have been able to take advantage of the Bills weak secondary to keep this one close. I stupidly forgot one major factor in this game. Justin Fields is not good at throwing a fucking football! It turns out any defense can do pretty well when they don’t have to account for the pass!
Gah Justin! Even though you’re not a Bear anymore you are still haunting me!
Patriots 33 Dolphins 27
This game was closer than I anticipated but we still made the right call. The Patriots prevailed in this pukefest. I still would not feel very good about their team if I was them. The Dolphins are one of the few teams in the league worse than they are.
I will continue to state that the Dolphins need to wave the white flag, move on from their coach, and trade EVERYONE. Tyreek needs to be gone!
49ers 26 Saints 21
I almost called this game “The Battle of the Backups” before I remembered that poor Spencer Rattler is actually the Saints starter. No one ever let me bet on a team that has freaking Spencer Rattler as their QB1 ever again.
In my defense, if we were not going to bet on Spencer Rattler, we would have had to bet on fucking Mac Jones. Congrats on beating the Saints with Mac Jones 49ers fans. Hopefully Purdy comes back soon. You will not win another game with big daddy Mac at the helm.
Cowboys 40 Giants 37
I knew this spread was too high when we stupidly took the Cowboys -5.5. This was not quite as inexcusable as betting on Spencer Rattler but was still really dumb.
The Cowboy’s defense looked awful! They made the ancient Russell Wilson look 26 instead of 36. He threw for over 450 yards and three touchdowns. If only the Cowboys had an elite pressure who could put pressure on quarterback with limited mobility like Russell Wilson.
Oh wait. They had the best pass rusher in the sport and Jerry Jone’s senile ass traded him to the fucking Packers! What a freaking moron! Someone send that man to Mars where he belongs!
Seahawks 31 Steelers 17
This game featured one of the dumbest mistakes I have seen from an NFL player in quite some time. The Steelers rookie kick returner. Kaleb Johnson, seemingly forgot that the ball was live until it was touched on kick returns if the kick landed short of the endzone and rolled in. In his defense, this is a new rule this season. I am positive that his coaches pounded the importance of this rule over and over again all offseason.
The Steelers could not overcome this blunder that gave the Seahawks a cheap touchdown and a double-digit lead. Kaleb Johnson might want to hire some extra security this week because he is most likely dead to Aaron Rodgers after this monumental error.
Late Window
Eagles 20 Chiefs 17
Travis Kelce owes Patrick Mahomes a big fat apology and at least a dozen bottles of ketchup for dropping that pass in the endzone today. The Chiefs were driving and instead of taking the lead the pass was intercepted and returned to mid field.
This game was a good old fashioned slug fest. Both defensives proved why they are amongst the elite units in the NFL.
Good for the Poopies betting on the more talented team in the Eagles.
Colts 29 Broncos 28
A great back and forth game between these two teams will be overshadowed by the ending. A Broncos defensive lineman committed a penalty by jumping on the center’s back. This costly error occurred during a sixty-yard field goal as time expired. This defensive lineman might find himself without a job Monday morning. That is one of the most egregious penalties I have seen in quite some time.
Jonathan Taylor is a beast and does not get enough credit for his position as one of the elite runners in the league.
What a lucky win for the Poopies!
Cardinals 27 Panthers 22
Bryce Young might have earned himself the nickname “Backdoor Bryce” after completing an all-time backdoor cover in this game. The seven-point spread looked completely out of reach when the Cardinals had a twenty-point cushion to begin the quarter. They quickly relinquished that margin and handed the Poopies a tough loss. `
I hated betting on either of these teams. I hope to not bet on either of them very much for the rest of the season.
A bientot!
Bennie's Blasts 
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