It has been an up and down year for Steviepooooo and the Poopies. Many gambling losses. So much so, that we kind of called it quits for a bit around Thanksgiving. People had end of year financial obligations, such as presents for their loved ones for the Holidays. Boo Hoo. Time to turn it all around with these NFL Wildcard predictions!
Panthers +10.5 over Rams
This bet almost looks too easy. A team has to be downright terrible to be more than ten-point underdogs at home, in the playoffs. The Panthers are far from terrible.
This matchup actually took place in Charlotte less than a month ago. I would like to remind people that the Panthers won that game! I do believe that the Rams are the better team, but this game is not going to be a cake walk, like the line would suggest.
The perpetually injured Puka Nacua could hurt his ego in the first quarter. If that happens, this game will most definitely be decided by fewer than ten points.
Packers -1.5 over Bears
The most intriguing matchup this weekend, is also the most nerve-wracking, to hopeless Bears fans. On paper, the Bears are the healthier, more talented team. Despite this, the Packers are still the gambling favorites.
The Packers are limping into the playoffs, fresh off of four straight losses. They are signing cornerbacks who are being waived from other teams, out of pure desperation. Their starting quarterback has not taken a snap in almost a month. I still think they are going to win, and break my heart.
The Bears defense straight up is not good. The only thing they are good at, is taking away the football. If they do not force at least two turnovers, they do not stand a chance in this game.
This has been a great season for the Bears. They have taken many great strides forward, and the future is bright. The last time this franchise was in the playoffs, it ended with the dreaded double doink. I have a sinking feeling that this season could end just as abruptly.
Jaguars +1.5 over Bills
I said a few weeks ago that I will stop disrespecting the Jaguars. They are the hottest team in the NFL. They are playing at home. They should be favored over the underachieving Bills.
Yes, the Bills have the best player in the league, in Josh Allen. He could beat the Jaguars almost single handedly, making me feel like a big fat idiot. I am still putting my money on the home team, with the good defense, doing just enough to win this game.
Travis Etienne is going to run all over this ailing Buffalo defense. They have not been able to stop the run all season. It will be their downfall when the Jaguars, who boast a solid run game, run all over them, for multiple scores.
Eagles -4.5 over 49ers
This is possibly the most difficult game to predict this weekend. I have been higher on the Eagles than a lot of people this year. They definitely have not looked nearly as good as they did the year prior, but they still managed to win eleven games. They also won their division easily.
It almost felt to me like a team that was just waiting for the playoffs to start. That is a historically tricky game to play, waiting for the end of the year to play your best football If any team is capable of doing so, it is this team.
The 49ers are once again the most injured team, in professional football. This feels like it has been the case multiple times, the past few years. They have almost zero starters from their defense fully healthy.
The Eagles are going to be able to move the ball at will against them. The question is if the 49ers can keep up. The 49ers offense has been playing very well, with the exception of last week, where they only scored three points against the Seahawks. The Eagle’s defense is only a hair worse than the Seahawks. For that reason, I believe in Eagles covering the spread.
Patriots -3.5 over Chargers
This line feels too small. The Patriots have been taking a lot of heat for playing the easiest schedule, in the last thirty years of the NFL. Two things can be true at once. The Patriot’s schedule was incredibly easy, but they are also one of the best teams in the league. The Chargers on the other hand, are the worst team in the playoff field.
The Chargers offensive line is atrocious. They are missing two all pro tackles. Poor Justin Herbert gets assaulted every quarter. Almost no one could succeed under these circumstances. If the Chargers were fully healthy, this game could go a different direction. Unfortunately for them, they are not.
Texans -3 over Steelers
Ancient Aaron Rodgers and the Pittsburgh Steelers, did just enough to sneak into the post season. They won the right to host a home playoff game, by winning the second worst division in pro football. Congratulations to them. That is all they are going to win this season.
The Texan’s defense is the best in the league. The Steelers are going to struggle mightily, to move the football. The Texans will do just enough to win the game.
This will be the grossest game of the playoffs. First team to twenty points is going to win. Hopefully DK Metcalf can get through his last game of the season without assaulting a fan. Don’t ever call a man by his full legal name! Don’t do it!
A bientot!
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